Welcome to “Pressing Questions,” Fast Company‘s mini-advice column. Twice a week, deputy editor Kathleen Davis, host of The New Way We Work podcast, will answer the biggest and most pressing workplace questions in less than one minute.
Q: How do I deal with an annoying coworker?
A: Hell is other people, amiright?
First, it may help you to know that you aren’t alone; according to a recent survey, more than two-thirds of employees said they have to deal with rude coworkers, bosses, or clients.
Beyond knowing that dealing with annoying people is just a part of being a human interacting with others, a good first step is to check yourself (well… before you wreck your workplace relationships). There’s a chance that their annoying behavior is less about them and more about you. Being five minutes late to a meeting is annoying, but is it actually a big deal or just a pet peeve? Is stress from other areas of your life or work making your coworker’s behavior seem worse?
Next, if you still feel that their behavior is egregious, assume they aren’t doing the annoying behavior intentionally (at least we hope not!). If you approach them with curiosity rather than a confrontation in mind, your chances of improving things increase. A simple “I’m curious, why do you . . . ” can be a good starting point. After all, maybe they have no idea how loud their phone conversations are, or that when they cc your manager on emails, it makes you feel undermined.
The next step is to share, as politely as possible, how their behavior impacts you, and ask for what you need. Here again, it’s important not to place blame, but instead to approach it as a problem-solving conversation. For example: “Would it be possible to take phone calls in a different part of the office?” or “Instead of cc’ing Margaret on status updates, what if I make sure to update her in our weekly one-on-ones?”
Finally, if nothing changes, you have two choices:
1. Find a way to deal with it. Headphones? Remote work? Deep breaths? Screaming into a pillow?
2. Find a new job. (But remember that the annoying coworkers you know might be better than the ones you don’t.)
Need more advice? Here are some very not-annoying suggestions:
